The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
