Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
