im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm at about main and main street
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
