dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
