I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
