I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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