There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
