There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
