Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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