He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
