both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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