When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I believe in your delicious
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
