how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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