Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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