I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Floor bacon is actually really good
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
