to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
