How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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