i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
