Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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