he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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