I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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