Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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