i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
