We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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