I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
