it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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