we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
