one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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