Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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