Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
