the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
