sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry my hands just texted you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
