alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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