If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
