i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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