I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
