I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
