break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
