My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
