i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
