Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
