I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Randomize
