What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my being single is dangerous.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
