i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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