it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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