So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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