in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
