Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
