I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
