Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
