Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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