I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
